literature

Errand: Putting on a show

Deviation Actions

Echo-the-Latias's avatar
Published:
584 Views

Literature Text

"Alright, Caleb," said Ludivine, fixing the beautiful bow around her neck.  "I'm going on stage now.  You need to stay backstage until I'm done, okay?"  The cowering Teddiursa clung to the Servine's leg, not wanting to be left behind.  "Y-you'll be back, right?" he asked nervously.  Lodie chuckled at his question, but answered it to console him.  "Of course I will.  I just have to put on a show for a few minutes and then we can go.  It'll be just like at the circus!  I'll be back soon."  Caleb let go of his guardian, not entirely sure that this was really going to be okay.  He never liked crowds, and being all by himself in a room full of strangers was very unsettling.

Still, Lodie had made sure to take him away from most of the commotion and had let him stay backstage until she returned.  She had also made it very clear that this was all perfectly fine.  There was no reason to be nervous, but this whole situation was terrifying for him.  He took a seat in the corner farthest away from the curtain and hugged his old black coat.  Hopefully, Lodie would finish soon and they could go home early.


Everyone in the audience fell into a silence as the Great Lady Ludivine took the stage.  It had been  a while since she had put on a show.   Very few Pokemon seemed to even know of her legacy beyond the fog.  It was time to make a grand first impression.  She started the way she always did.  Stepping out from behind the curtain, a well-placed Leaf Storm swept her into the air as she twirled around, flying just a few feet off the ground.  Once at a good height, she faced the audience with a smile.  "Welcome to the show!" she proudly proclaimed, floating slowly down towards the stage again.  Audience members clapped and cheered, though the applause was quieter than she was used to.  It's okay, Lodie. she thought.  They don't know you.  They'll clap louder at the end.

After the introduction, Lodie used her Hidden Power to create several small balls of pink light.  This was her signature act back home.  She just hoped her new home would enjoy it, too.  The lights swirled through the room, winding their way around the various audience members.  As they passed someone, the lights would change shape, turning into fierce Gyarados and elegant Swellows, capturing the interest of the closest audience member.  Some Pokemon tried to touch them, only to pass right through.  They were so lifelike (though pink) that this came as a great shock to many.  The dancing illusions twisted their way through the crowd towards the back of the room where they all came together into one large ball of pink light.  It then exploded into dazzling sparks, shimmering in the air.  The crowd gazed in awe at the shimmering flecks falling from the sky, making everyone and everything sparkle.

Applause erupted from the crowd.  "That was amazing!" said a Dewott to his Pikachu partner.  "Incredible!" exclaimed a Liepard in the back.  A Kabuto near the front seemed elated at his new look.  "Check me out!  I'm sparkling, Amaya!" he grabbed for his partner's attention.  The Pangoro seemed marveled and confused at the sudden change in appearance, but clapped all the same.  "How did she do that?" asked an awe-stricken Ledian in the third row.  "I don't know, but it's cool!" replied the Piplup next to her.

Lodie was happy that her title as "the Great Lady Ludivine" was admired here as well.  She gave a subtle wave of her tail to a Minun on the sidelines, one who was quite obviously not interested in the glitter.  The rodent quietly made her way backstage to talk with an Absol.  "Ready for the finale?"  The Absol nodded.  "Ready when you are, Jon." she replied. On the other side of the curtain, music began to swell through the room.  It was slow and mysterious, charming and captivating, bringing the crowd to a hush.  With a wave of her vine, Lodie cast up another Leaf Storm.  This time, it swirled through the crowd, picking up the sparks and flowing to the music.  It returned to the stage, glitter and leaves circling around the star.  The slow rhythm seemed to reach out and grasp the eyes of the spectators.  The Great Lady Ludivine danced to the music while whirling leaves and illusions fluttered around her.  Even Caleb seemed interested, at least in his corner backstage. (He didn't dare leave his corner, what with all the action around him.)  Everyone was stunned!  It was hard not to be impressed.

Several minutes passed, and when the music started to fade, Lodie jumped into the air, scattering leaves and sparks everywhere.  With a flick of her tail, she cast her last illusion, Flash.  Giant white Beautifly wings made of pure light sprouted from her back.  It had taken years of training to perfect her illusions, but the reaction from the crowd made it all worth it.  A giant Snorlax with a Caterpie on his neck stood up to cheer, his head hitting the ceiling.  This started the thunderous applause from every Pokemon in the room, even a Misdreavus, who's only intent seemed to be the buffet until that very moment.  A blue Zorua bounded out of his seat, whistling and hollering at the incredible show.

The white wings vanished as Lodie returned to the ground.  She gave a dramatic bow as the audience sang her praises.  "Thank you, thank you!" she said, hoping no one would see her holding back the tears.  It was a short show, yes, but a good one.  She had been so worried that she would make a fool of herself, ruining her image.  Yet, now everyone loved her here.  Eyes were wide and smiles were spread across every face.  Lodie bowed one last time before pushing through the curtain and stepping backstage.  Caleb stood there, shaking and confused.  "T-that was great, Lodie," he stammered.  "But can we go home now?"

Lodie chuckled at his eagerness to get out.  "Yes, sweetheart." she soothed.  "We can go home now."
I was panicked, so it's not very good.  Still, it's done.

Client: Rowanhardt
Errand no: #4
Date Issued: 12th May 2014
Date Due: 16th May 2014
+1 star coin to Team Hippodrome!

My teams:
Team Hippodrome (Lodie) echo-the-latias.deviantart.com…
Team Once Upon a Time (Jonquil, just background) echo-the-latias.deviantart.com…
The Lonely Hearts Club (ME!  Just background) echo-the-latias.deviantart.com…

Cameos (let's see how long this takes):
:icondeluxeloy:'s Curie the Misdreavus: deluxeloy.deviantart.com/art/P…
:iconxxaurastarxx:'s Team Facinus: xxaurastarxx.deviantart.com/ar…
:iconzoroark97:'s Kane Namu the Zorua: zoroark97.deviantart.com/art/T…
:iconlovelypcp:'s Team Aqua Fist: lovelypcp.deviantart.com/art/P…
:iconlittie-boo:'s Team Night Ruin: littie-boo.deviantart.com/art/…
:iconkikkatar:'s Team Chaotic Neutral: kikkatar.deviantart.com/art/Te…
:iconneilgbx:'s Team Xilla Tail: neilgbx.deviantart.com/art/Tea…
Oh, and :icongabladerunner:'s Caleb the Teddiursa!

Tell me if any of those links don't work.
I've got too much stuff to do ahhhh!
© 2014 - 2024 Echo-the-Latias
Comments24
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
GabladeRunner's avatar
I saw the note, but I figured it might be best to comment here, since it's already published.

So, before I get into this, I will say that I have been asked to review other people's work before, and sometimes my view on things can be seen as harsh without me realizing it, so I'll apologize in advance. The piece was definitely interesting, to say the least, but there was a great feeling of being rushed during the posting. As others have commented on down below, you must have made this very quickly, and in the process, lost some of the time to properly think out what you wanted to write and ultimately resulted in the entire piece whirring by faster than you could comprehend. I know you got a late start, more likely than not due to my lack of being online, but you could have put in a placeholder for us to grant yourself more time to perfect the piece before posting. It's just something I recently picked up, so don't feel bad, but just food for thought.

Next, as you already heard from Deluxeloy, saying that something is amazing, and getting the audience to feel that something is amazing is two completely different things. It seemed as though it's a tough concept to hold onto, but let me try to format it a better way. (another lesson I only learned recently, so don't feel bad either)
So, say you're watching a TV show and the visuals you just said are on display right there. You could go right ahead and prove to the people the direct magnitude of Lodie's performance, showing all in all how great her performance was, through the actions of Lodie, the descriptive detail, and the audience's reactions. That alone will tell the scene, and keep the watcher/reader entranced. However, when what appears to be Lodie comes out and says that it was amazing, it breaks the flow, and all is lost, for she is almost condescendingly telling what you just saw and experienced for yourself. Do you see what I mean? Point of the matter being that straight up telling what a scene is like rather than letting the audience experience it for themselves can do a piece more harm than help when describing a set or an action, or whatever else you may believe.

Lastly, this is just a personal point that hit my views, and in no way need to change, but it's something that I felt should be addressed. Typically, when I use cameos, I like to make them worthwhile through making the character a significant part of the story, offering them a bit of room to display themselves over just background characters. It's hard to think of options right on the spot like this without referencing MLP, but think of, like, most of the gym leaders in the Pokemon games and anime. None of them will ever stick around longer than three episodes, yet they made a significant appearance. The leaders are practical cameos, where they will appear for a short time in order to use them properly and develop the characters and the story, only to never be seen again. Personally, that's how I prefer to see a cameo, rather than using people's teams as background characters and white noise, but again, that's just me. I've also experienced times when being background was great to get my teams out and about and advertise myself, which is the positive case of this, but, again, just something to consider to make the cameos a bit more worthwhile.

Again, sorry if I sounded harsh here. I truly want to help us become better writers and make our quality of writing fantastic, which is why I kinda went out of my way to go through this. It's not like the piece is bad, not by any means for that matter, but there is definitely room for improvement. I hope this can be seen as constructive criticism, and we can move forward with our heads held high for whatever dares to cross the path of Team Hippodrome!

Oh, and thanks for making this. It was awesome! I'll make sure to return the favor soon enough!